you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
