I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
