I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
