If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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