He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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