Porn is love you can see.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
