no, he came in my armpit
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
