I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
