I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
