i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
