My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
