Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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