if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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