He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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