talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
