so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
