You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He shit in the fireplace
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
