I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
