Reggie can tackle my bush.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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