We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
