We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
kristin has been a bad kristin
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
