please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
