Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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