U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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