I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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