That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
