Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
