i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
