Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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