I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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