Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
