i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
