Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
