I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
