We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
