if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
