There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
