put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
