Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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