Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
