How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
