You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
