You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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