Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
