Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
