OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
