ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
