evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
