I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
