6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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