Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
