I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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